dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
