Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize