ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
