A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
