Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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