I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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