Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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