Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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