New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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