his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
