I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
