im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
