Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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