Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
