trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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