He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
