i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
