There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
