so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize