if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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