I just made out with a guy for $7.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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