I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize