I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
