i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
