Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Randomize
