He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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