dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
