rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
