Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
