youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize