There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
