I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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