I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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