I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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