they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
