is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize