are you so shy because you have an std?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
