connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
