i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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