someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
