Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
