So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
one might say we're banned from that church
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
