Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
