hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
