I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
