Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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