that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
