my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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