obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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