I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
