You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
4 words: hood of his car
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
