to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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