the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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