Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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