wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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