And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
