Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
