Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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