omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
