the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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