does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
