I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
